As long as the conflict is not overt, the signs of its existence
may be subtle. And it is tempting to ignore them ("it will pass!").
Intervening is thus more a matter of personal decision than it is an urgent necessity:
□ What faint signals tell me today that we are in conflict?
□ What are the observable consequences?
□ What may risk happening if I do nothing? And if I intervene?...
Questions which will allow us, should we decide to act, to prepare and to refine our approach.
Imperative: recognize your share of the responsibility
The other is not the only one responsible for the conflict:
□ What is my share of the responsibility, in the current situation?
□ How to formulate it so that he takes it as an authentic step toward him?
The premise: by taking this step, I bring the other into a movement of coming together.
Without it, the key ingredient for defusing the tensions is missing.
Be ready to hear reproaches
Latent conflict means that the other has not expressed his
feelings toward me. And that is exactly what needs to "come out" in
order for a dialogue to take place.
Promoting reconciliation therefore implies:
□ inviting the other to elaborate on his feelings
□ above all not to justify yourself (justification = defense, listening ended)
□ asking questions in "exploration" mode, without judgement, to understand fully his viewpoint.
Once things have been said and heard, the co-worker will be
ready to listen to you in turn. It will become possible to offer your
perception of the situation and to propose a vision of the
future.