Faced with a complex interpersonal situation, it is calm and
thoughtful observation, a larger perspective, which allows the problem
to be defined clearly. As opposed to blaming, judging, or
pressuring for a quick solution, which reduce the field of
reflection and creativity and prove to be counterproductive.
When we lay out a problem, we often do it using generalizations and assumptions.
The first step is thus to specify concretely the angle of
attack: to identify a context in which the problem arises. For example, a
discussion about "I am timid" is not going to get anywhere.
To help realize that "I can't manage to speak up at meetings
when my boss or the director is there", on the other hand, offers
guidance to reflection.
Take on the question of change itself
Sometimes, we don't believe that things can change or we don't
entirely want them to change. In such cases, looking for solutions is to
put the cart before the horse. More useful it is to
examine in which ways the situation could or could not change,
and what would or would not then happen.